I’m pretty psyched (he said with a touch of sarcasm). On Sunday morning my beautiful wife, the mother of my sweet boy is leaving on a four-day business trip. “Oh Crap!” you say? That was what I thought when she first revealed her dastardly plan to evade parenthood using the centuries-old excuse of “I have to work.” What kind of an excuse is that? I have to work too you know! Who is going to take my son’s right flank when we need to dress him for school in the morning? Who is going to distract him when I sneak off to read a chapter of my book in the bathroom? Who is going to listen to me bitch and moan about whatever I want to bitch and moan about at any given moment? This is a disaster!
That’s what I was thinking when she first broke the news to me, but then I got to thinking. Sunday is supposed to be a lovely autumn day here in the Big Apple. We can walk to his favorite swing set and run around for a bit in the park. Then head off to the Natural History Museum and see the dinosaurs and the big blue whale. Another stroll in the park, something to eat and he’ll fall asleep for his afternoon nap. I can read my book without hiding in a bathroom. When he wakes up we can go to his favorite ice cream place (don’t tell mom) and then to the zoo (so it’s not the Bronx zoo, but he loves the sea lions and it’s all about the boy, right?). Some more playground time should bring us close to home and dinner. A series of “I don’t waaaant it!” before settling for his Greek yogurt with honey. Some time playing with his beloved cars or rather parking his beloved cars that he hands to me (as you’ve heard from me before he’s got lots and lots of them). Wrestle him towards the bathtub (more “I don’t waaaaant it!”) and then wrestle him out of the bathtub (more “I don’t waaaaant it!”). Chase him to put his PJs on. Eventually get him to bed. Dance a little happy jig. Turn Neanderthal. Drag my knuckles and club to the kitchen. Grab chips and beer and watch whatever I want (don’t tell mom).
Monday will be a challenge. My office is open, but school is not. Sucks for me, right? Well the morning will be a field trip with my son coming to the office with me (I am lucky enough that I can do this) and people there will actually be happy to see him. I can get some things out of the way before the novelty wears off and he gets bored (this will happen before anyone in the office gets bored of cooing about him). He does not know this part of town much so I can probably walk around and show him how different the fire engines and police cars look. Then up to the park to sample different playgrounds, lunch and nap. Daddy checks in with work. When he wakes up his favorite treat: the carousel. I need to buy at least three go-rounds because otherwise there is no way to pry his grip off of the horse. Then his favorite swing set on the way home. Nightly routine. Happy jig. Choice of beverage, snacks and programming.
Tuesday and Wednesday I return to the work force full time which is actually sort of sad because I will only get the worst of the morning “get ready for school” tantrums and not a lot of tickle time and parking cars in the evening.
And then my loving wife returns well rested and relaxed after her vacat… business trip.